Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
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