; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
