Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
Randomize
