So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
Randomize
