ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Randomize
