And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
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