my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
Did you pee in the oven last night??
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
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