He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
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