Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
