Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
I wear drunk well.
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
Randomize
