Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
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