I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Randomize
