I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize
