Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
Princesses don't give blow jobs
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
Randomize
