He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
