Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
17 year olds will be the death of me.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
Randomize
