the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
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