i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
Randomize
