The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
So drunk, too bad you don't want this
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
Randomize
