btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
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