people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
Randomize
