If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
i was looking up hair salons in ithaca for the wedding and one is a hair salon/ sake bar! you can have sake or champagne while you get your hair done!
question, how would one sake-bomb while getting hair done without getting a horrible haircut?
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
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