dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
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