I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
Randomize
