WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
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