Sponge bath it is.
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
That was an excessively violent trivia night
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
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