I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
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