Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
Randomize
