Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
Randomize
