i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
love makes seman taste better
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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