There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
I need to sanitize my soul.
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
Randomize
