I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
Two words: blizzard sex
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
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