Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
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She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
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the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
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