dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
Randomize
