I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
Randomize
