we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
Randomize
