Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
Pregnant stripper...not hot.
i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Randomize
