is your mom at the bar?
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
Randomize
