i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
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Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
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