I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Randomize
