That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
Randomize
