so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Randomize
