he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
Randomize
