She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
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