Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
