Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
