Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
