You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
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Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
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