Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
Randomize
