Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
Let the clothes fall where they may.
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Randomize
