Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
