: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Randomize
