turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
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