Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
