i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
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