She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
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