when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
Randomize
