Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
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