This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
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