just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
Randomize
