I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
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