I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Randomize
