Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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