Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
Randomize
