PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
Randomize
