So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
Bring me that man meat
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
Randomize
