She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
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