my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
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