Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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