I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
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You know, be my cock's hype man.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
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I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
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