; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
