dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
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