you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
Randomize
